Isomalt is a sugar alcohol (not the kind you can get rat arsed on though 😦 ) and when it cools it sets like hard candy – perfect for sugar art. It can be blown into little bubbles, made into delicate flowers, or in this case, slopped around to make a splash.
Before we begin, here’s the KG.
The one accessory which should feature in every fashionista’s wardrobe: Primark’s Disney dog outfit range.
If you have a below average sized head and want to stand out from the crowd, then the small dog costumes will be right up your street. Slip into one of these and everyone will want to PET THAT DAWG.
Of course the stitch costume was whipped out after an incredibly *classy* bottomless brunch with my sistaz. The real question is though, who wore it better – me, Melis or the rat (Gregg)????
Anyway, moving on. I’ve made a cheeky vid for you all instead of just a written recipe – keepin up with the tech for kids these days. Pls enjoy.
isomalt (ready tempered, clear, just get on amazon)
gel food colouring
silicone mat (this is needed)
bottle of some kind
Pop a few isomalt balls in a heatproof bowl
chuck in the microwave and blast in 30second intervals until bubbling
be really careful because it is literal molten sugar and can say from experience it hurts if you touch it
add in any colouring you want at this point
you might have to blast in the microwave again to get really hot (it sets up super quick so you have to move fast)
pour your bubbling isomalt onto your silicone mat
start to tip the mat to spread it around
when the isomalt has cooled slightly on the mat (30 secs) lay the mat over a bottle and hold in the desired shape
wait a couple of minutes until the isomalt has set hard
carefully remove the bottle and peel off the silicone mat – take your time you don’t want to crack your masterpiece
and that’s it!!! Pop it on top of your cake, sit back n chillax
And that’s everything my lovelies. Posts may be on the slow side for a while because my oven at uni is a genuine candle but I’ll see what I can rustle up.
We’re taking it back to my baking roots – the birthday cake. When I had first properly got into baking about age 12, the fondant bday cake was my shit. Now, fondant isn’t what all the trendy kids want (youths these days grrr), so instead we move over to buttercream cakes – tastier, but harder to make look semi-decent.
This is one of my first buttercream cakes and went a bit off the rails with it. Feelin like one of those edgy art people and off to get a very short fringe cut to fit my new persona. Honestly, just call me Bob Ross x
Before we move on, here’s this week’s KG…
I’m back in L town after TOO long. The shag pad is finally decorated (yes the nawti Mary Berry poster has made a return.) Despite all odds, my houseplants have survived their first week (hello Miss Greenfingers). I won’t do my washing until I have 1 sock and an age 12-13 T-shirt left. My housemates don’t hate me yet – give it another week girls 😉 and my diet has gone back to exclusively sour skittles and spag bol. IT’S. GOOD. TO. BE. BACK.
For the sponge:
340g caster sugar
340g self-raising flour
zest of 3 lemons
For the lemon syrup:
85g caster sugar
juice from 1 1/2 lemons
For the buttercream:
3 tbsps lemon curd
swiss meringue buttercream or Italian meringue buttercream (basic recipe link here, you will need 2 or 3x this recipe:)
We all love a naughty bit of lemon driz, and this recipe from my queen – Mazza Bazza – is absolutely spectacular.
I was trying out my new loaf tin for this bad boi (yes it was another B&M purchase before you ask) and now I think I’ve spiralled into a slightly worrying tin obsession. What will be next?!? Classic bundt tin, or maybe a fun willy shaped one??? Who knows x
Before we get into the citrussy goodness, time for some juicy kitchen goss…
6 years ago, the entire nation was busy filming themselves being drenched in iced water. Sometimes you’d stumble across a gem – ones where people’s tops fell down or they slipped – but most were just like mine: uncomfortable to watch.
Here I am, aged 14, sporting my Ed Sheeran T-shirt (my first concert which I attended with my dad.) Jeans cutting off circulation to my legs, alarmingly large eyebags. Is that a festival wristband you see? Oh no sir, that is a wristband from guide camp. The bun and full fringe, a strong and iconic look that I am SURE will make a come back very shortly. I was cool x
This vid may be cringe, but the ice bucket challenge did help to raise lots of monies for a great cause and is providing quality entertainment 6 years on, so we allow it x
Now I’m not normally a bread baker (mainly because you can’t gobble the mix as you go along) but this dough was superrrrr easy to make and actually turned out crispy n delish.
Before we get into the crumby biz, here’s this week’s kitchen goss…
Note to self: NEVER go on a first date to the beach. We were having the time of our lives splish splashing around in Newcastle when Vic’s GoPro captured some horrific/hilarious pics that have honestly made my self esteem PLUMMET.
Pictured: 2 girls, one looks scarily like Paul Chuckle, the other just looks bad.
Action shot ❤ Caitlin, the goggles are a look x
Wig slip x
Overall, I think everyone on the beach got second hand embarrassment from us, but we had a mint time (minus thinking I had frost bite because my toes went purple.) Can’t wait for next year, love you two weirdos so much xxx
Anyway enough of that, are you bready for action? Sorry I’ll stop now, that was really bad.
You saucyyyyy minx. *Said in dirty Northern accent*
As my closest homies will know, my fave EVER dessert is a classic sticky toffee pudding. But when the craving hits, there’s just no time to scurry out to get dates or slave over making a toffee sauce. This is where this self-saucing pud saves the day.
It’s pretty snazzy, the sauce is poured over the cake batter and everything gets banged in the oven. 30 mins later and the cake has magically swapped places with the toffee sauce. It is genuine witchcraft.
Before we get crackalackin, here is the KG:
Today is a very very special day. After 4 long weeks my homebrew is FINALLY ready for a naughty sample. Like all good craft beers, I needed an edgy name for my little baby.
Rochdale Rat Piss seemed fitting. Genuinely would rather have a plague-riddled rat from the Dale piss in my mouth than drink this.
We’re all familiar with the sheer trickery of a raisin pretending to be a ‘chocolate chip’. It can leave you feeling hurt and embarrassed, and then you’ve got to choke down the rest of the raisin fraudster.
Not to worry, there are absolutely no raisins in these bad boys – we’re safe.
I wouldn’t mind being called a ‘tart’ if they meant this spiral veggie tart. This pastry delight is definitely more aesthetically pleasing than me, and it tastes delish too!
The good thing about this is that you can fill it with whichever veggies tickle your fancy, butternut squash, courgette, carrot, turnips, some weird looking thing you found in Aldi, the options are endless.
Whoopie pies are one of those controversial debate-sparking desserts that falls under the same category as Jaffa Cakes – are they a biccie, are they a cake? Honestly nobody knows and nobody cares, they’re just delish.